Pride Based Anger

It’s not often that I write something and think; hey I could do a whole series of posts on this subject. But after the anger post I just did I realize that I may have started down a line of thinking that will take more time to fully explore. Why explore this publicly? Well we all get angry and I think we all bear a little anger at God. 

The funny thing about my experience is that my anger did not push me away from God. And though I was very upset he still blessed me and gave me good things that I did not deserve. I realize that my experience may not look like yours or anyone else’s.

Having said that let’s be honest, the anger has robed me of one thing I desperately wanted and needed and that was freedom to express joy. I was so preoccupied with trying to figure out a way out of my situation that I wasn’t fully present to those who needed me or to myself. That is a danger in anger.

(I just realized that danger is just anger with a d in front of it. Now I feel like a nerd. I also want to go down a tangent about the relationship between danger and anger. But that would be kind of confusing and really off topic, except I’ve gotten off already.)

Ah, anger. You know, it’s all wounded pride. Pride is a disregard, an ingratitude, toward all things even the self. It’s not arrogance. Arrogance is the thing that says, “I am and deserve the best.” Pride says, “You have done nothing for me.” or I suppose worse yet, “This is your fault.” Pride blames. Unfounded anger comes out as blame in the end. 

No wait let me back up. You need to understand that there are two angers. The pride based anger and righteous anger. All the above has nothing to do with righteous anger. That is an anger born out of true injustice and produces good. Whereas the pride based variety, when taken to extreme, ends in death, literally. Mine was pried based I know because of the things it prevented me from experiencing and because there was no real injustice in the situation. 

It would be so nice if I could just get over myself and not have to go through this struggle but that’s not how things are done here on earth. This is hard training.

More thoughts will come. This will take time to get through, probably a life time.